Dear Diary (3)

Dear Diary,

I was totally checking my stats on this blog and I noticed people have this weird obsession with reading about my boring, mundane, sad life. Sorry to say that I think that's kindof sad, but alright.

So. My life.
Well I'm sure you all remember the boy I talked about in my other diary posts? Yeah. He's mean. I don't like him anymore... and he sure as hell doesn't like me. So sorry people, but there won't be anything more about that.

In other boring news, my life sucks. Mildy. I can honestly say I've never been this shy or introverted in my whole life. And I never realized how hard it was to make friends. It used to be so simple, back in the day. Now, even when I have more freedom, it seems as if making friends is one of the hardest things I've had to do since coming to school. I've aced every test I've taken so far, done (most) of my homework, skipped class only when I became so sick I couldn't breathe out of my nose, and been overall a good student. So why haven't I been able to get up the guts to just ask someone, Hey, wanna hang out?

Sure, I've had opportunities to do so. But I'm lazy, or I guess it's not laziness, it's more... fearful. I don't like being rejected, even if it's just a simple oh sorry I can't tonight. It puts me down. It shouldn't, but it does.

And I have this overwhelming desire for a boyfriend. I haven't had one in nearly two years, and frankly, I'm not confused as to why. Knowing why doesn't make me feel much better though. I see a guy and think, I wonder if he would be a good boyfriend. Why is that? It frustrates me that I can't just get the whole "I wanna have a boyfriend" thing out of my head. It's not that important, and up until about two months ago, I had a pretty damn good life without one. Maybe my intese desire stems from the fact that my life sucks so badly up here that my mind is telling me a boyfriend would make it better.

But every time I catch myself thinking that way, I realize I'm leaving in two months and never in my entire life coming back. I'm totally fine with that, in fact, I'm overjoyed just at the thought. But then I realize, having a boyfriend here would make leaving so much harder. So I'm holding off, because I know there's better guys where I'm going. Yeah, I KNOW.

My conclusion has come to this: Michigan guys may be some of the sexiest guys you will EVER meet in  your entire existence, but pretty much all of them are douchebags, druggies, or just plain not interested. Wisconsin guys are some of the most amazing, talented, sweet, caring, smart, funny, and genuinely NICE guys you will ever have the pleasure of knowing, but the hot ones are scarce, or have already been snatched up. So I have a catch-22 here. But I'm ignoring it for now. After all, boys are the least of my worries.

Love,
Me.