Awake My Soul (The West Saga)

Wes and I never did talk once he came back on Sunday. I was a procrastinator, and I had left off all my homework the entire weekend until Sunday night. Not that it bothered me, since for no particular reason I was a little peeved with Wes.
The week was shorter than the rest, since thanksgiving break was that coming weekend. Both Wes and I had all our classes cancelled on Wednesday, so we both could leave after just two days that week. I couldn't wait to go home, since I hadn't been home since I came to school in August. But Wes was about to throw a wrench in my plans.
We had one last dance practice on Monday night before break. We had the annual Winter Show coming up, and Wes and I were performing the duet we'd been working on since September. It was pretty much perfect in my opinion, but Mona wanted one more practice before the long weekend, just to be safe. I'd actually wanted to avoid seeing Wes for a while, hoping space would give me a break from all this craziness that was happening to me. That failed.
We didn't talk much when we were at the theater, since all both of us wanted was just to get out of there. But when Mona finally let us go, I dashed to the Women's dressing room before Wes could pin me down. My efforts worked until I walked out of the dressing room and found Wes waiting for me.
"Tia. Hey." He said, awkwardly.
"Hey." I replied.
We stood in silence for a bit, just watching each other. Wes spoke again.
"Listen, I know you've been avoiding me ever since I came back. I don't get it... Why? You know I just want to help! I'm worried about...."
I cut him off by holding up a hand. "Wes, I have no idea why you're so worried. I'm dealing with this myself. Don't worry about me." I smiled, hoping to placate him.
Apparently it worked, because his shoulders relaxed and he moved closer to me, wrapping his arms around me. I returned the gesture, burying my face in his unzipped jacket. He ran his hand up and down my back and pressed his cheek into my hair. He spoke after a few minutes.
"I have a question for you Tia..."
"Mmmf?" I mumbled into his chest, not willing to lift my head.
"So I know how excited you've been to go home, but I was wondering... well, if you wanted to have thanksgiving with my family instead?"
At this request I lifted my head to look at him and pulled away just a bit, still keeping my arms around him. "Have you not been listening to me, Wes? I haven't been home in FOUR MONTHS. I'd love to meet your family, but I need to see mine first. I'm sorry."
His face dropped a bit, but then regained his previous enthusiasm. "What if I came with you instead?"
I was shocked. "Uh... well... I don't know." The truth was, I hadn't even told my parents about Wes yet. So how would it sound if I called home now and said, Hey mom, Hey dad, so I have a boyfriend that I'm going to bring home for thanksgiving. Yeah we've been dating a while, I just didn't want to tell you! But the idea of bringing him home sounded right to me. I made a choice.
"Sure Wes. I'd like that. I'll call my parents and tell them now."
"Great!" He beamed down at me and let me go so I could pull out my phone.
I proceeded to pull out my cell phone and dial home. I had forgotten that my brother was home too until I heard his voice answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Jessie? What the heck are you doing there?"
"I'm already off, Tia. You knew that!" He laughed. "So what's up?"
"Oh right." I laughed too. "Um get Mom and Dad on the phone too."
"Kay." There was a pause, then some yelling, and after a couple seconds, both my parents picked up a phone and joined the conversation.
"Okay, well. I don't really know how to put this. Um... Well I sort of have a boyfriend. His name's Wesley, and I was wondering if he could come home with me for Thanksgiving?" I closed my eyes and clenched my other hand around Wes'.
There was silence on the other end. Then three things happened at once. My brother started laughing, my mom started asking millions of questions, and my dad just said 'Well sure!'
I laughed with my brother again. "Wait wait wait guys! One at a time!" I told them.
My dad spoke first. "Sure, Tia. He can come home with you. We'd love to meet him."
"So how long have you been dating?" My mom asked.
"Well... it'll be a month... Oh my god!"
"What?" my entire family said, in sync.
"It'll be one month tomorrow!" I hadn't realized we'd been dating for a month already. It had seemed to fly by so fast.
"Well congrats, Sweetie. We're all excited to meet him!" My dad told me.
"Thanks, guys. We're actually about to go work on some calc stuff, so I've gotta go. I'll see you soon!" I bid each one goodbye separately, promising my brother I'd call him later that night.
I finally hung up and turned back to Wes. He looked at me expectantly, although I knew he already knew it was a yes. Our eyes met, and a smile spread across our faces simultaneously. He squeezed my hand, and tugged a bit, pulling me towards the door. I followed along, feeling happier than ever that it had gone over so well with my parents.

I spent the night at Wes', not feeling motivated enough to go to my own room. I felt like I needed to be around him even more than I'd ever felt before. The feelings I'd started the day out with had been replaced by nothing more than simple devotion and love. We were in a better place at that moment than we'd ever been before.
We got back to his room, and he changed into sweatpants, leaving his shirt off. He never slept with one, and I was just fine with that. I stole a pair of his shorts and a white t-shirt of his, and when I came back into his room, he whistled at me.
"What?" I asked confusedly.
"You look so beautiful in my stuff." Wes said, and grabbed me around the waist. He pulled me down on the bed on top of him, and I squeaked in surprise.
I playfully hit him with the bundle of my clothes still in my hand. "Wes!! At least let me put my stuff down!"
He laughed and let me up to put my things down. I took my hair out of it's messy ponytail and shook it out. I turned back to Wes, still laying face up in the bed, his arms behind his head. His hair was messed up from dance, and his perfectly defined muscles dazzled me. Our eyes met again, and a silent exchange passed between us. We didn't have to say anything. We just knew at that moment neither of us had been happier.
How did I get so lucky? I thought to myself as I laid down on the bed beside him. I snuggled up to his bare chest, and he wrapped both arms around me. We fell asleep like that, wrapped up in each other's arms.

To The Sea (The West Saga)

"No, Wes. I'm serious. I had another dream and it's really starting to freak me out!"
Wes was astounded that a dream could impact me so much. But he didn't know what I had seen. Dreams, in my case, had a serious effect of my day-to-day life if they were vivid enough. And sometimes, I couldn't differentiate between real life and fantasy. It was like the Queen song said: "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide no escape from reality...." Everything these days was freaking me out. I couldn't walk home from class without jumping at every little sound, thinking the hooded figures were out to get me, out to drag me back to wherever they wanted me to come back to.
I had called Wes finally after being freaked out for the past week to tell him about my dream. I hadn't gotten the courage to face him all week, using the lame excuses of homework and hanging out with people I'd been ignoring as reasons for why I couldn't see him. I told him the real reason why I'd been avoiding him, and now I didn't have the option of seeing him, since he'd gone home for the weekend.
"Tia this is serious! Go to a counselor, or a dream therapist or something! If your dreams are scaring you that much, there's something going on up there." As he said the last phrase I could imagine him tapping his temple with one finger.
I sighed. "Yeah, I know. But at the moment I'm kind of broke. And I don't want to bring my parents into this, they'll freak out worse than you."
"I don't care, Tia. This is your health we're talking about here. It could be affecting your sleep, or your-"
Wes was cut off by a loud screeching noise in the background. I pulled the phone away from my ear and flinched and the high pitched sound.
"What was that?" I asked, tentatively putting my ear back to the phone.
Wes didn't answer.
"Wes?" I asked again.
Still nothing. I could still hear sounds in the background, so I knew the call hadn't dropped, but I was confused as to why Wes wasn't listening to me. I waited a few more seconds for him to answer before speaking again.
"Wesley! What was that?"
"Huh? WHAT! Oh sorry hun!" I knew he wasn't talking to me.
"Wes..."
"Sorry Tia. My niece won't stop bothering me to play. She just screamed at the dog. Sorry you had to hear that."
"No, Wes. It's fine."
"I should go...."
I sighed. "Fine. Bye Wes."
"Tia.... I'm really sorry about this. We'll talk when I get back on Sunday."
"Fine. Bye."
I hung up, and couldn't help myself. The room in front of me blurred as tears filled my eyes. I knew Wes wasn't ignoring me on purpose, but I still couldn't help but feel like he wasn't making enough of an effort to comfort me. After all, I was his girlfriend. Stop it Tia. His life isn't all about you! I scolded myself. I knew I was being irrational and stupid. I knew I was jealous of his family, why though, I didn't know. Maybe it was because at this point in time, they were getting more of Wes than I was, or maybe it was just simply the fact they were the one thing in this world that I knew was more important to him than me. But still, there was nothing I could do until Sunday when he came back.

How Far We've Come (The West Saga)

"Never?" I asked. "You realize what that entails, don't you?"
Wes laughed quietly. "It means I'll be staying with you for a long time."
"Never..." I pondered the word.
Wes let me sit in his arms in silence, knowing that the look on my face meant that I was thinking. He sometimes got the same expression, one eyebrow slightly raised and a corner of the mouth turned down. It was our "thinking face" as we jokingly dubbed it. I wondered if this sudden intense show of affection was Wes' way of telling me he loved me. I doubted it, but I still liked the thought. Wes already knew how I felt, and I was still a little miffed that he hadn't really returned my declaration in words. He'd done more than that in actions though.
Wes moved away again and climbed out of bed. He pounded on Derek's back, forcing him to wake up. Derek was slow to respond.
"What man?" he said sleepily.
"Get up. I'm gonna play guitar and it'll be mushy. It's for Tia, you know." Wes replied, a tiny smirk appearing on his face when he said my name.
"Ugh." Derek moaned, but he got up and lazily made his way out of the bedroom.
I turned my face back to Wes after Derek closed the door. "You know you didn't have to do that." I said.
"Too bad I did." Wes said as he grabbed his guitar that had been sitting in its case in the corner.
Wes came back over and sat on the bed, his guitar ready to play in his hands. He strummed a few chords, then sang me a song I'd never heard before. His voice was a little gravelly from sleep, but it worked with the song. I couldn't really understand some parts, but it was a touching song. It moved me so much that I hummed a harmony to the chorus after he'd sung it a few times.
"What did you think?" Wes asked after he'd finished.
"It was great! Who's it by?"
"I... kind of wrote it for you." He said sheepishly.
I was dumbfounded. That was the one thing Wes and I hadn't had in common until now. I wrote songs and he didn't, but apparently now he did. And he was GOOD at it.
"Wes... You wrote that?"
He nodded.
"Oh my god. It was... amazing!"
"Don't sugar-coat it Tia. Give me some criticism!"
"I can't Wes. You have a talent for songwriting. I'm serious!!" I protested when he gave me the I-totally-know-you're-lying-to-me look.
"You really think so? It was that good?"
I nodded.
"I just kind of wrote about how I felt about you... I didn't really think it would be good."
"It was Wes. That's how you're supposed to write a song. It's how you express yourself. And you know just how to make it sound good too." I smiled, trying to show him I was being honest.
He smiled back and played a few more songs on guitar, empowered by my encouragement. I listened, content with how this morning had gone from bad to awesome. Maybe my subconscious had been trying to tell me something, but my subconscious had just been proven wrong. In your face! Well... In my face. I giggled a bit at the thought. What I hadn't thought of at that point was another way my subconscious could still be right : if I left Wesley.


Come... Come back... Come back.... Come....
The chanting coming from all around me was scaring me. I didn't know where I was, surrounded in all this darkness. I was afraid of the dark, or more like what was hiding inside of the dark. And somehow I knew I was alone. The chanting continued so long I couldn't keep track if it was minutes, hours, days or longer.
The darkness never got lighter either. It stayed pitch black, so dark I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, or whomever was chanting. After an uncertain amount of time, I heard sharp footsteps echoing from behind me. I whipped myself around, forgetting I wouldn't be able to see who it was anyways. Come back to us.... Come back Tia.... Come back....  the voices whispered, keeping in time with the click of the footsteps. They approached me quickly, almost with urgence.
Finally, when they seemed so close I could reach out and touch whoever's footsteps they were, they stopped. I squinted in the darkness, hoping maybe it would get lighter so I could see who it was. Then from the direction of the footsteps came a voice.
"Tia." It said. The voice was neither male nor female, or maybe it was both. It was smooth, and calming. But it sounded familiar all the same, like someone I knew.
"Who are you? Where am I?" I asked.
"Tia. Come back." It whispered.
"Come back? Come back where?"
"To us, Tia. Come back to us. We love you Tia."
At that instant I knew whose voice, or rather voices, it was. It was the combined voices of my parents, speaking together as one. When I realized this, the darkness evaporated, and I found myself in my old house at christmas time. More specifically, it was the first christmas my family had spent in the house. My brother, my parents and my dogs were there, all gathered around the christmas tree, waiting expectantly for me to hand out the presents. I felt the fluffy red santa hat atop of my head and when I looked down, I was already holding a gift that had my name on it. I set it down on my empty seat and watched it for a few seconds, almost like I was waiting for something to happen.
"Tia. Come back. Don't you miss us?" A voice that definitely didn't belong to my parents or my brother said.
"Who was that?" I whispered.
"Look down." It said.
I obeyed and saw my dog sitting at my feet. She looked up at me, her big brown eyes looking much too intelligent. Then she spoke. With words, not barking.
"We miss you Tia. Come back so we can play with you." My tiny jack russell terrier told me.
I was flabbergasted. Dogs couldn't talk, could they?
"You're dreaming, Tia. That's why I can talk." she said, reading my thoughts.
"But...."
"Come back, Tia."
Then, darkness again. I was back in the black I had begun in. The chanting began again, coming at me from all sides. I was so overpowered I collapsed to the ground, hands over my head.

I awoke in a cold sweat. I breathed slowly and deeply, all the while telling myself to calm down. But I couldn't. That dream was even more disturbing than the last I'd had. And I could tell these dreams I was having weren't going to get better.

The Great Escape (West Saga)

After spending all night staring at the wall by my bed, I rolled out of bed in the morning as soon as light shone in the windows. My eyes were tired, but I was determined not to sleep again that night after I'd had that dream. It had shaken me to my core, and I needed to talk to someone about it. My roommates were still asleep, and I didn't really feel like this would be a subject to talk about with them anyways. I needed an old friend, a best friend in fact.
It was early, but I knew she would be awake. I picked up my phone and dialed my best friend Anna's number on the keypad. I walked out into the hallway and waited for her to pick up. After a couple rings, I heard her answer the phone.
"He..." *cough* "Hello?" She sounded as tired as I felt.
"Anna? It's me."
"Why are you calling me so early? I need sleep!" She scolded me jokingly.
"I know, I do too. But I can't get it. I need to tell you about this dream I had last night." I didn't need to update her on the situation with Wesley. She was my best friend, she knew everything that I did.
"Was it about Wes?" she asked.
I nodded, forgetting for a second that I was on the phone. "Yeah."
"Bad?"
"Mmhmm. Well, it started out good, then got bad really fast." I proceeded to explain my dream in great detail to her, not wanting to leave anything out, just in case it was important.
After I finished, she didn't say anything for a while. I let her be silent, knowing she was thinking it over. I paced nervously in the hallway, hearing the muffled sound of my socks hitting carpet with each step I took. Finally, she spoke.
"Honestly Tia? I think you're too worried about your relationship with Wes. You worked so hard to get him, and now that you have him, you're being paranoid about losing him. Tia, he asked YOU out, not the other way around. So that obviously means he has strong enough feelings for you to ask you to be his girlfriend, and to keep you around. I think you're worrying so much that your subconscious is beginning to be affected by it."
"That makes sense. But why was it so vivid? Normally when I worry about something, it doesn't produce dreams! And I've worried about much bigger things that this."
"I don't know, really. It could be the fact that you like him so much that the worried feelings are matching that intensity. But how should I know? I'm not a dream analyst!"
"Yeah... But you are my best friend." I smiled even though she couldn't see.
"And you're my best friend." I heard the smile in her voice too.
"Thanks Anna. I'll call you later. I need to talk to him."
"Sure. Good luck sweetie!"

I hung up, and headed back to my room. Quietly I dressed myself in my favorite blue sweater and jeans, donning my worn out mocassins to match. I swiftly put my hair in a ponytail, not even bothering to see how bad it looked after my sleepless night. I just knew it didn't look pretty. I grabbed my phone off the bed where I'd left it, my school ID, and my keys, being careful not to jangle them too loud. I didn't even bother to tell Wes I was coming over, since I knew he wouldn't be awake. I knew one of his roommates would be though, and that the door would be unlocked. I was over in his room more than I was in my own now, it had been that way since Wes and I had become friends. My time spent there had increased a little since we had begun dating, but either way I knew I'd always be welcome there, no matter what time of day it was.
I headed out of my building complex, bracing myself against the cold november morning my bundling up in my Northface and stuffing my hands into mittens. I'd always hated the cold, but the chill wind on my face was starting to wake me up. The walk to Wes' dorm took about ten minutes, but it felt like so much longer thanks to what I needed to talk about weighing down my mind. I was one of the only people up this early and the walk to Wes' dorm was very lonely, uneventful, and cold.

I reached the side door that was closest to his room, even though Wes was on the fourth floor. I grabbed the metal handle and swung open the door, welcoming the warmth that crashed into me like a wave when I stepped inside. I shook off the cold and took off my mittens, then turned to begin the climb up to the fourth floor. Five minutes after I'd come inside, I was in front of Wes' door. I just stood there for a few minutes like an idiot, arguing with myself. Should I go in? Should I knock? I finally just told myself to go in, they wouldn't mind. So I did.
Wes' roommate Andrew was sitting on the futon when I walked in. He raised one eyebrow at me, knowing this was weird for me to be here so early.
"Does Wes know you're coming?" He asked, not even bothering to say hello, knowing it was implied.
"No... It's sort of a surprise. I guess." I replied, not wanting to give too much away.
Andrew nodded, and turned back to the computer in his lap. I went over to Wes' bedroom door and opened it slowly, knowing it would squeak if I opened it too fast. Wes was still sleeping soundly in the bottom bunk, another roommate, Derek, was snoring above. I stifled a giggle and slipped off my shoes. I tiptoed over to Wes, then gently crawled into bed with him, laying myself on top of the covers while he stayed underneath them. He woke up and turned himself over to see who had invaded his bed. When he saw it was me, a huge smile broke across his face, and he threw off the covers.
My heart melted to see him like this; no shirt, his hair in a mess, and completely tired, yet so happy to see me. Anna was right, I thought. He really does want me around as much as I want him around. That realization sparked something inside of me, and I smiled back at Wes.
"What are you doing here!" He whispered excitedly.
"I couldn't sleep, and I wanted to see you." I whispered back, trying to contain my smile. It wasn't working.
He smiled even bigger when I said that, and I couldn't hold back my full smile. We laid there for a long time, neither of us really caring how long. It was these moments that I lived for. Logically, there was really no reason for us to be smiling this much, yet, we were. It was the simplicity of the moment that made it so special. But I thought of why I'd actually come here, and my smile started to fade. Wes noticed immediately and his face turned to one of concern.
"What's wrong?" he asked me, sitting up as he talked.
"Uh.." I sat up too, not really knowing how to begin. "I honestly don't know how to start..."
"Just tell me what's bothering you."
"Okay. Well. You know how I said I couldn't sleep last night?"
Wes nodded.
"Well, it was because of this dream that I had. About... us."
"Uh oh." Wes took both of my hands in his. "Tia, tell me what it was about."
So I did. When I got to the part where he disappeared, Wes' eyes grew wide, and his grip on my hands tightened. He knew my mind as well as his own, and he knew what that meant just as well as I did. He let me finish, then he hugged me fiercely.
"Tia... You're afraid I'm going to leave you aren't you? Well, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Okay? Don't worry!"
I buried my face in his bare chest, inhaling his scent and never wanting to let go. But he began to pull away, and I leaned away too, looking down at my hands. He put a warm hand under my chin and forced me to look up into his face. His startling blue eyes were full of some emotion I couldn't place.
"Wes..." I started.
He shook his head, and leaned down to kiss me. Alright, I thought. I can live with this. The kiss was slow and sweet, and I savored the moment.
He pulled away, keeping his hands on my shoulders and looked me right in the eyes. "Tia. I will NEVER leave you."

Anywhere But Here (West Saga)

I had an incredibly vivid dream that night.

It began and I was standing in a field of wildflowers. I wore a beautiful multi-colored sundress that swirled around me at the gentlest touch of breeze. I was barefoot, and the dress had only thin straps. The summer sun was warm on my skin, and the flower petals were like velvet on my fingertips as I brushed my hand along them, walking in no particular direction.
I felt beautiful at that moment. I could see my reddish brown hair floating around me like a halo, and I noticed my skin was lightly tanned. I danced through the field with no reason for the joy I felt except for the fact I felt beautiful in my own skin, and I knew nothing could bring that down.
Off in the distance I noticed a figure moving. I stopped twirling and jumping, interested in who or what this could possibly be. After all, I didn't know where this was, so how would this person know either?

After several moments of waiting, the figure became clear as the sun's rays found his face. It was Wesley, and he was looking right at me. He wore a simple white button down that oddly enough, wasn't buttoned at all. His pants were a pale beige and like me, he wore no shoes. His dark brown hair was a mess, but even from so far away, I could see his blue eyes that matched the color of the sky.
He walked slowly towards me, expressionless. I waited where I was, knowing he would come to me eventually. Normally, I would have run to him, but my dream self somehow knew to just wait. He finally came within a couple of feet, and I closed the gap between us with a few quick steps.

He opened his arms and I gladly put myself inside of them, pressing my nose to his chest. He leaned his chin down to rest it on the top of my head, and I could feel his heart beat faster through his chest. We stayed like that for a long time, my dream self didn't know how long. But then a gust of wind, stronger than any other wind I'd felt out here, blew and we parted.

Wes stepped back from me, and shook his head when I moved closer to him. I looked into his eyes and finally saw the pain. Suddenly his expression turned to one of torture and sadness, and he cast his eyes downward. I felt myself breathe faster and shallower, and my legs went numb. Goosebumps appeared on my arms, and I took a few more breaths before uttering the first words of the dream.
"Wes." I whispered his name softly.
He slowly raised his eyes to mine.
"What..?" He gently put a hand over my mouth, shaking his head at the same time. With his other hand, he put one finger to his lips.

Then, he was gone.

I was alone in the field again. But this time, the colors and the beauty that I had once enjoyed seemed to be mocking me. The flowers weren't smooth anymore. Instead, their sharp thorns stabbed my fingers and scratched my legs as I fled away from the spot Wes had disappeared. I tripped over fallen trees, and my dress became ripped. My face was scratched and I tasted blood on my lips as my hair became tangled in the weeds. I tripped again and this time I stayed on the ground, slowly curling myself into a ball. I began to sob noiselessly, feeling the various cuts and scrapes all over my body begin to sting. But I didn't care. Wes was gone, just when I needed him most.

I awoke right after that, feeling sweat dripping down my face and into my eyes. My whole body was shaking violently, so much that Alex, who was in the bed above me, woke up and leaned over.
"Tia! Are you okay? You look kind of sick." She asked, worry on her face.
I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. I just had a.... disturbing dream." I looked up at her.
She stared at me, disbelief in her face.
"No really!! I'm okay! I swear!" I assured her. "I just need some water. Go back to bed."
She gave me one last look, then swung back up into bed. I went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. I grabbed my towel and wiped my face dry, then noticed myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, as if I'd been crying, and my nose was bright red. I was pale, and I was still trembling a bit. What's wrong with me? It was only a dream. I thought, not really believing myself. I must have had that dream for some reason, and thinking about the implications scared me.
I decided to wait until morning to talk to Wes about it, knowing he'd be more attentive after he'd had enough sleep. I, however, was wary to go back to bed. I didn't know what kind of dreams would haunt me in there.

Dear Diary (3)

Dear Diary,

I was totally checking my stats on this blog and I noticed people have this weird obsession with reading about my boring, mundane, sad life. Sorry to say that I think that's kindof sad, but alright.

So. My life.
Well I'm sure you all remember the boy I talked about in my other diary posts? Yeah. He's mean. I don't like him anymore... and he sure as hell doesn't like me. So sorry people, but there won't be anything more about that.

In other boring news, my life sucks. Mildy. I can honestly say I've never been this shy or introverted in my whole life. And I never realized how hard it was to make friends. It used to be so simple, back in the day. Now, even when I have more freedom, it seems as if making friends is one of the hardest things I've had to do since coming to school. I've aced every test I've taken so far, done (most) of my homework, skipped class only when I became so sick I couldn't breathe out of my nose, and been overall a good student. So why haven't I been able to get up the guts to just ask someone, Hey, wanna hang out?

Sure, I've had opportunities to do so. But I'm lazy, or I guess it's not laziness, it's more... fearful. I don't like being rejected, even if it's just a simple oh sorry I can't tonight. It puts me down. It shouldn't, but it does.

And I have this overwhelming desire for a boyfriend. I haven't had one in nearly two years, and frankly, I'm not confused as to why. Knowing why doesn't make me feel much better though. I see a guy and think, I wonder if he would be a good boyfriend. Why is that? It frustrates me that I can't just get the whole "I wanna have a boyfriend" thing out of my head. It's not that important, and up until about two months ago, I had a pretty damn good life without one. Maybe my intese desire stems from the fact that my life sucks so badly up here that my mind is telling me a boyfriend would make it better.

But every time I catch myself thinking that way, I realize I'm leaving in two months and never in my entire life coming back. I'm totally fine with that, in fact, I'm overjoyed just at the thought. But then I realize, having a boyfriend here would make leaving so much harder. So I'm holding off, because I know there's better guys where I'm going. Yeah, I KNOW.

My conclusion has come to this: Michigan guys may be some of the sexiest guys you will EVER meet in  your entire existence, but pretty much all of them are douchebags, druggies, or just plain not interested. Wisconsin guys are some of the most amazing, talented, sweet, caring, smart, funny, and genuinely NICE guys you will ever have the pleasure of knowing, but the hot ones are scarce, or have already been snatched up. So I have a catch-22 here. But I'm ignoring it for now. After all, boys are the least of my worries.

Love,
Me.

Here It Goes Again (West Saga)

So finally we were content. All seemed wonderful in this little world Wes and I had created for ourselves after finally becoming a couple. People were glad we'd finally gotten together, and they made it known.
Our dances reached new heights. Mona told us she was impressed with our progress, and we both were proud of our talents as well. Everything seemed just... perfect. There were no waves, storms or clouds cast over the perfect, sunny lake that was our newfound lives together. People said we couldn't be more perfect together.

But there was a voice, a stupid, nagging voice in the back of my mind that told me we couldn't be this perfect forever. Something was bound to come between us, something big enough to possibly break us apart. I told the voice to leave me alone, to let me live in the moment of my perfect happy world. But it wouldn't let me be. I could feel a storm so large, no amount of love and dedication could blow it away. And the angst and worry was eating away at my heart.
Wes finally noticed my anxious behavior when he caught me ripping a napkin to shreds at dinner one night. I didn't notice him watching until he reached over and took my hand, looking at me with worry in his eyes.
"Tia. What's wrong?" He asked anxiously.
I stared stupidly at him for a couple seconds while I tried to condense my worried feelings into something that didn't sound so grim.
"I'm... worried, I guess." I finally said. Way to fail at telling him anything, Tia. I thought.
"About what?" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"I don't.... I can't.... I'm... Honestly, I can't really tell you because even I'm not sure." Lame. Lame lame lame.
"You don't know why you're worried? Well that seems silly, worrying about nothing."
"No, I know what I'm worried about, I just don't know why I'm worried!!"
"Then tell me! We'll figure it out together." He smiled, still holding my hand.
"Well..." I started lamely. "I'm worried about... Us." I had looked down, and now I slyly turned my gaze back up to his face.
"Why would you be worried? We're pretty much perfect right now."
"That's what I don't know! Ughhhh it's so frustrating! See, I have this stupid, nagging feeling something really bad is going to happen that's going to break us apart. And I don't want that to happen, like, EVER."
Now it was his turn to stare stupidly at me. His eyes searched my face, confused, and his grip on my hand got tighter, as if he was trying to tell me that he would never let anything happen to us, that he wanted us to stay together as much as I did. I squeezed back, closing my eyes as I laid my head down on the table. I felt his other hand brush through my hair lightly a couple of times before resting on the back of my neck. I sighed deeply, worry building up more and more in my gut.
"I just can't even describe this to you, Wes. I don't know why I'm so worried. And not knowing is making me more worried." I said, my voice muffled by the table.
He took his hand from my neck and forced it under my chin, pulling my face up to meet his. His lips parted as if he was going to say something, then closed again. He shook his head, smiled, stopped smiling, but never let go of my chin. Then he finally did say something.
"Tia, I don't get why you're worrying over basically nothing. You've got me, I've got you, and right now, that's just perfect for me. And I know you feel the same way. So... Stop worrying and just enjoy us."
I forced out all the air I'd been holding in, creating a wooshing noise that blew Wes' napkin into his lap. I forced myself to smile, pretending as if I believed his words, and that they comforted me. They didn't. I was still worried, and I still had no idea why.

All The Right Moves (West Saga)

Wes and I sat across the table at Java Hut in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was more of a content silence. We both warmed our hands by gripping the sides of the recycled-paper cups full of delicious, steaming hot chocolate. My taste buds welcomed the warmth as I took the first sip, reveling in it's chocolately goodness. I smiled involuntarily when the warmth spread to my stomach. It felt incredibly similar to the way I always felt around Wes; warm, happy, and comforting.
We spent over ten minutes that way, in perfectly contented silence before Wes broke the silence.
"So... Can I have a hint at least?"
I smiled at him, and shook my head. "Nope. You're on your own. I want to be surprised, Wes, and I can't be surprised if I tell you how to ask me."
"Right." He sighed, then looked at me pleadingly. "PLEASEEEEEEE?"
"No Wes!!" I laughed at his sad puppy-dog face. "And stop doing that face! You know I can't resist it!"
He kept the face on for another few seconds before joining in my laughter. "I know, that was the whole point of me doing it!"
The conversation from that point was light and superficial. He asked if we could sit together again in Calculus, using the excuse that he missed the crazy doodles I would draw on the top of my notes. I knew he felt uncomfortable sitting next to Lydia, who was consistently flirting with him, but I didn't say anything, letting him think I believed his excuse.

He went home later that day to visit his parents for the weekend, so I was left to my own devices, wondering secretly if he was getting advice from his parents or his friends back home on how to ask me out. Thinking about it always made me smile, and confused my roommates to no end. Sometimes I'd be working on a calculus problem and I'd start laughing at the thought of Wes pleading to his mom for ideas. Whoever was sitting closest to me would look at me like I was crazy, shake her head and then return to whatever they had been doing before I interrupted.
Monday rolled around and Wes was back in town. We resumed sitting next to each other in calculus and I couldn't help but feel satisfaction as I watched Lydia's face fall when she noticed me sitting in what had become her "usual" seat. She walked over to our table slowly, most likely hoping I'd get up and move for her, but I didn't. When she finally realized I wasn't moving, she flipped her flat-ironed blonde hair in defiance and headed to the only open seat left- the one I had deserted.
Wes passed me a note a few minutes later that read-

Lydia looked so pissed! I hope she doesn't hate me for this. She's actually not a bad friend, once I got around her flirting with me all the time. But... I suppose losing one friend for you isn't too bad.

I read the note once, and slyly looked over at Wes who was smirking with one side of his mouth curling upwards in the mirror of my smirk. The rest of the class proceeded in a dull lecture that neither of us really paid much attention to, thanks to my "crazy doodles" that I became engrossed in.
After class let out, Wes told me he had an appointment with his counselor. I didn't think much of it, after all, this was the time of year when everyone was figuring out their schedules for the spring semester. I headed off to my dorm alone, not paying much attention to anyone else around me.
My door was unlocked when I came back, and I figured it was because one of my roommates was there.
"Rhyan? Lauren? Alex?" I called out nonchalantly, expecting nothing more than a hey or in here.
Except there was nothing. No reply came from the bedroom or the bathroom. Okay, I thought, they're just sleeping. So I put down my backpack quietly, not wanting to wake up my roommates, if they were napping.
I poked my head in the bedroom door and noticed all of their beds were empty. But when I turned my gaze to the right side of the room where my bed was, it wasn't deserted like the other side had been. Wes was sitting in my bed, his guitar resting on his lap and a long, shallow metallic box in his hands.
"What... Wes?" I was at a loss for words. "How... how did you get in here?"
"I talked to Rhyan last week and she agreed to let me in... As well as leaving us alone." He smiled softly at me and put his guitar down on the bed.
He took the two steps towards me and handed me the silver box. "Go ahead. Open it."
I took the box hesitantly. It was light and wrapped in some kind of shiny slightly transparent silver wrapping paper. The box itself was about a foot long and 6 inches wide with a tiny emblem pressed into the top of the cardboard. I squinted at it, but I couldn't make out what it was through the paper. Just open it. I told myself. I closed my eyes and took two slow breaths in an attempt to calm myself down. Lifting off the top of the box, I gasped as soon as I saw what was inside.
Nestled in thin sheets of white and gold tissue paper lay a golden rose in full bloom. The detail etched into every petal was exquisite, almost like the rose had just simply been painted gold after being picked from the garden. I reached out hesitantly to touch it, pulling back for a second for fear that I would break it.
"Pick it up. There's something inside of it." Wes said quietly over my left shoulder. I jumped at his voice, forgetting he was still there.
I did as I was told and picked up the rose only to find the bloom wasn't a full-petaled flower as I had thought before. It was a small bowl that held a small golden bracelet inside. Wes picked up the bracelet from the rose and motioned for me to put the box and rose down. I obeyed and turned back to him, curious as to what more surprises this held.
Wes motioned to hold my wrist out so he could put the bracelet on. He deftly closed the clasp around my small wrist and to my surprise, it fit perfectly. Dangling from one of the gold links was a small emblem. It was a heart, and I noticed something was engraved into one of the sides. As I squinted to read it, I made out 6 words written in flowing calligraphy: mon amour, ma voie, ma vie. I translated the simple phrase as "My love, my voice, my life." Tears unexpectedly sprung up in my eyes, blurring the sweetest words I'd ever seen.
"Wes...." I choked.
"Wait. There's more. I haven't gotten to the best part yet." He gently took me by the shoulders and led me over to the bed, forcing me to sit on one end.
He retrieved his guitar and sat down on the bed facing me. After taking a deep breath, he began to strum. Wes's voice started to sing a recent favorite of mine, Syndicate by The Fray. The deeper he got into the song, the more beautiful he became. He closed his eyes after the first chorus and didn't open them until the end of the song. The stress lines disappeared from his face, and his mouth relaxed along with the rest of his body. I realized I was seeing him as pure as I would ever see him.
At the end of the last chord, tears were freely flowing down my cheeks in salty rivers of joy. He opened his piercing blue eyes that held so many emotions at that one moment I could never describe them. He took one look at me and his face turned to confusion.
"Tia... Why are you crying?" He asked, genuinely confused.
I took a few deep breaths, wiped the tears away and replied, "Wes... That was beautiful."
He smiled. "Well there's still one more part." he said, reaching into his back pocket. "Here," he handed me a folded paper. "Read it."
I took the paper and unfolded it. All the note said was-

Was that creative enough for you?

I turned back to Wes, feeling the tears welling up again. I nodded slowly.
He smiled at me, and gently put his guitar down on the bed. He scooted closer to me and held out his arms in an invitation for me to fall into them, which I did. I wrapped my arms around his strong torso as he returned my gesture, pulling me closer. As I buried my face into his chest, breathing in deep his leather and wood smokey smell, he gently rocked me back and forth. He started humming the first song I'd ever played for him on guitar, and I snuggled in closer, enjoying his warmth. After what seemed like forever, he finally broke the silence.
"So do you accept my offer now?"
I lifted my head up to look at him. One lock of his curly blond hair had fallen down in front of his face like a superman curl and I giggled at it. He raised one eyebrow at me, and I giggled even harder at the gesture.
"Yes, Wes. I accept. This was better than anything I could have imagined."

I'm Yours (West Saga)

Two days went by and I didn't hear from Wes. We still didn't sit by each other anymore in calculus but I made sure he saw me everyday. I wanted him to remember that night, and why he liked me so much instead of Lydia.
I saw her flirting with him all the time, but he never flirted back. He always seemed to have this vacant look in his eyes when she talked to him. It made me happy in a way, but worried that he wasn't okay every since I'd left him on his futon to think about what I'd said to him. I was worried I'd said I love you too quickly and that he was scared away. It was my deepest fear that I'd been worrying over since then.

Finally on the third day of his no-talking hiatus, I received a text from him telling me to meet in "our spot" the next day. I was relieved to hear from him, but so nervous to talk to him that it took me ten minutes to reply because my fingers shook so badly. I couldn't stop thinking of all the possible scenarios for our meeting for the entire day. I was distracted in class and I didn't sleep well that night.
The day of our meeting dawned as a typical, cold mid-october morning. There was frost forming on the windows in my room and I woke to a freezing cold room thanks to the same frosty window being open. I donned as many layers as I could as well as a pair of gloves. I didn't bring anything other than my phone, in case Wes decided to cancel on me. Positive thinking, Tia, I told myself.
I arrived at our meeting spot first, of course. I'd left my building way too early thanks to overexcited nerves and a desire to escape the cold. I don't know where my logic came from, thinking that if I got out of my cold dorm room and went outside I would be warm. The cold is messing with my head, I thought to myself frequently.
So I waited and checked my phone at least four times before I saw Wes walking my way. An bubble of nerves built up in my stomach and finally popped when he came and sat next to me.
"Hey. I'm glad you came." He said in the voice that I'd been missing for three days.
I swallowed. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yeah... About... you know, the other night."
I nodded and motioned for him to continue.
"Well, my first worry was if you were mad at me again, but I'm guessing you're not, since you came today."
"Wes, I can't be mad at you. You know that." I smiled.
He chuckled, then sobered quickly. "I was also going to say that.. Well maybe we should try being more than just friends. Maybe my feelings will, you know, sort themselves out that way."
I raised my eyebrow at him. "Are you trying to ask me out, Wes?"
He nodded so slightly that I almost missed it.
I laughed. "Well, you're going to have to do better than that to get me to say yes!!"
His mouth dropped open in shock. I guessed this was not the reaction he was expecting from me. "What? What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't want to give it away. Be creative, Wes. You're good at that. Use that big, imaginative brain of yours to come up with some cute way to ask me to be your girlfriend. I know you can do it."
"Fine." He sighed and dropped his shoulders dramatically.
There was a moment of silence, and then we both burst into laughter at his ridiculous posture. The feeling of awkwardness that had been hanging in the air faded away, and it felt more like the early days again.
I broke the laughter with my chattering teeth. Wes laughed again and suggested we go inside for a hot chocolate. I accepted, and he offered me his arm in mock seriousness. We both laughed for the third time that day and walked over to Java Hut, arm in arm.

Lips Of An Angel (West Saga)

Wes had a reaction to my words that was so similar to mine that I felt a strange urge to laugh. Seriously, I thought, now is NOT the time to laugh!! He's going to think you're nuts!
Just then, Wes took a breath. Had he been holding his breath this whole time? He leaned in towards me and I all of a sudden felt more nervous than I ever had in my entire life. Was he going to kiss me? Well, what else could he be doing?
I was completely wrong. Wes leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Was that your way of telling me sorry?" He chuckled.
I couldn't breathe. He was so close to me, yet I felt like if I tried making a move he would pull away. So I just settled on quietly answering him. "Yeah, I guess."
He pulled away, and I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Wes smiled, and stood up. "I'm glad we're on the same page again."
"Yeah." Oh my god, where is this going? It feels like the first day we met again! C'mon Tia, do SOMETHING!
"Well...." Wes said awkwardly.
"Well." I replied just as awkwardly.
There was an uncomfortable silence between us, the first we'd ever had really. I was so confused as to what had just happened. Hadn't he just said he wanted me in his life? Hadn't he basically just confessed his love for me? Hadn't I just confessed my love for him? What in the world was going on? We should be doing all that cheesy romantic crap that always happens in movies when two people find out they're in love. But instead, we're just sitting here in his dorm on his futon looking away at the plain wood and cinder block walls. I so badly wanted to reach out and touch him, but for the first time since I'd known him, I didn't know how he would react. No matter if he was exactly like me, he was still his own person, and he wasn't necessarily going to react the way I would have. I didn't know if his heart was pounding so loudly in his ears that he couldn't hear anything but that. I didn't know if his hands were shaking so badly he had to hide them so the other couldn't see. I didn't know if a million thoughts were running through his head so quickly he couldn't catch a glimpse of a single one. I had no clue. And it was infuriating.
Finally, Wes turned to me once again and sat back down next to me on the black futon. He took both of my hands in his and breathed in deeply once, then released his breath. Wes turned his eyes to mine, and we just sat for a minute, gazing into each others eyes. My shallow breathing was all the noise in the room, and the air was still, as if anticipating his next move.
"Tia." He finally said after a few minutes of silence. "I.... I honestly don't know where to go from here. I know you're probably confused, wondering why I'm not acting all like the people do in romantic comedies when they find out they're in love." He stopped, looking at me pleadingly.
"Wes.... I don't know what you're saying. You're going to have to explain yourself for once to me." I said, confused by his words.
"Okay.... Well. Tia I really really like you. But I've never been in love before, and it's too soon to tell. I don't want to say it if I don't know if I feel it."
My shoulders fell. "So I say it to you, and I don't get it back?"
"I'm sorry...."
"No, Wes. It's fine. Say it when you're ready, or never say it if you aren't."
"Tia I know you too well. You're not fine. I can see it in your eyes."
I let go of his hands and stood up. "Well Wes. I think I need some time to think. This has been really emotional for me. I understand if you can't say I love you to me. You aren't ready, and that's fine. But give me some time to think, okay? You know where to find me." And with that, I left the boy of my dreams sitting on a lonely black futon.

Soliel-Roi (chapter 2)

Nell Johnson was not your average girl. She had everything. An extravagant home, lively parents, and an awesome life. People said she was pretty, and she knew it. Her hair was a perfectly tended to mess of sandy gold curls framing a small, well-proportioned face. Her eyes were a deep shade of bluish-grey, depending on the day. She was small, but it never seemed to bother her. She enjoyed being shorter, she said it gave her a different perspective than everyone else. She never had to wear makeup, since she knew she didn't need it. And she was always dressed in the latest fashions. Never once had Nell felt like just your average high school girl.

But that all changed her sophomore year of high school. Nell moved away from her hometown in New Jersey to a small town in Ohio. Nell had never been an outcast, or a loner. She'd always made friends everywhere she went. But this was different. No one seemed to care that much that Nell was beautiful. No one cared about the latest fashions, or her large, extravagant home. No one cared that she was sporty, intelligent and fun. They all saw her as the new girl who thought too highly of herself.

Her first day of school was a nightmare. No one said anything to her except the teachers when they told her to stand up and introduce herself. In her first class, Nell was ready and prepared to say what her interests were and what she was like. She said she hoped she would find someone who was just as interested in all the things she was. No one moved. Nell heard a few guys snicker in the back at her, and Nell felt something she'd never felt before. She felt sad. She felt embarrassed, and alone. In all her other classes, Nell only said her name and sat down, not wanting to repeat what had happened in her first class.
She went home that night and didn't say a word to her parents. All Nell did was lay on her bed and cry. No one had reached out to her, even if she reached out to them. She'd been nice, she'd been friendly, she'd been her usual charming self. But apparently, high schoolers in ohio weren't impressed. Nell had never faced a situation like this before. She'd never been... Alone.

Soliel-Roi (chapter 1)

Nell Johnson was just your average girl. Average home, average parents, average life. People often said she was pretty, but she thought of herself as just, well, average. She had messy blonde curls that framed a petite face. Her eyes were a brilliant shade of grey, and on some days, blue. She was shorter than most girls her age, but her hair made up for some of that lost height. She never wore makeup, and her clothes were generally jeans and an old t-shirt. She felt like just your average high school girl.

Boys never paid much attention to Nell, except when they asked to play with her hair. It was a joke in her high school, "Nell's hair!!" But she never really paid much attention to the attention her hair drew. It was just hair, after all. 

Nell's general attitude about life sometimes concerned her parents. They tried taking her to therapy, family sessions, and more therapy. But Nell wasn't unhappy, she just wasn't happy. She was just, well, you know. Average.

Nothing bothered Nell either. She was never annoyed, never frustrated, never angry. Nothing really made Nell happy though either. The only time Nell's parents had seen her smile for real was when they bought her a new guitar. She played it every day and every night since her parents had brought it home. The therapist had told her parents to try and get Nell involved in something, to try and give her a hobby. They had tried everything from dance to soccer to tennis to swimming. They tried bowling, racquetball, even tried getting her to play video games. But nothing worked until they finally tried music.

To Nell, music was a way to escape. She could let loose her bottled-up feelings in a non-verbal way. She could just sit there on her bed and play for hours, never singing, but still letting go of all she had come to build up inside herself.

People often wonder how Nell got this way. Well, here's her story.

Dear Diary (2)

Dear Diary,

This feeling of... I can't even describe it has escalated to new heights. I don't know how to deal with what I'm going through right now.

My classes have finally begun and I guess that takes some of the edge off. I've become distracted by the more important things in life like my education, and that's making me feel more human again. Before, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. But not one of those fluffy white clouds you see in summer. I was sitting, uncomfortably atop a black cloud carrying rain. I sat on top of the lightning and I was burned. But somehow, I kept myself there. Even though it hurt, even though I was burned, I stayed there. I didn't want to move because all the other black clouds were beginning to accept me as one of their own. And THEY never got burned. They controlled the lightning, and I wanted that power too. But I knew I could never have that power. My personality isn't as controlling as all the other clouds' were. I was a fluffy white cloud secretly disguised as a black cloud. I didn't fit in, no matter how hard I tried.

But I guess now I've decided I can't hide who I am. I'm a white, fluffy, happy, untainted cloud, and my butt sure doesn't like being burned. I'm trying to kick the blackness away, but maybe keep a pinch of it. I don't want to lose the friendship of the black clouds, after all, they can be good sometimes. When a parched field needs rain, the black clouds can help. But I only want to be around when they are putting their powers to good use. I don't want to be sucked into their tornadoes or flash floods. I have white cloud friends too, and they need me more than the black clouds do.

So I'll leave them to be black clouds. I'll leave them to be rainstorms, hurricanes, tornadoes, whatever. They can do what they want, I'm not controlling them. But when they destroy something that can't be fixed, well, that's why I'm here. To make everything better again. Isn't that my job? I fix broken hearts, broken dreams, broken lives. I can't make your house a home again, but I can take the pieces of your heart and fix them up again. That's what I do, and I can't change it, even if I try.

Love.
Me.

Dear Diary (1)

Dear Diary,

Im having a crisis. I have this nagging feeling that I'm in love with the worst possible person to be in love with yet.... I can't help myself. He's irresistible. He's charming, sexy, brilliant, and frankly, he's HOT. But I've known him for two days. He won't come onto me that quickly, but he seemed to be attracted to me when we first met. He always wanted to walk next to me, he always talked to me first. He taught me a handshake without me asking. But I went along with it, and now it seems like he's pulling away. Should I pull away too and let him come back to me like he did before? Or is it because he knows I'm an easy person to make fall in love? I want him to just come over and bust into my room without any reason and just be there for the sake of being there. But I know he never will. I have to let this develop over time. I'll flirt a bit, then pull away. And I'll keep repeating the cycle until he finally can't take it anymore and just wants me. I don't know if that will actually work or not, but I wish I could just try without having the fear of him rejecting me.
Diary, I don't know what to do about this. It's wonderful that I have feelings for someone who isn't only in my head, but I'm afraid it will go back to being that way before long. And I don't want to be lonely any longer than I already have been

Love,
Me.

The Rain Song (West Saga)

I walked to the UC, hoping Lydia was still in there somewhere with her roommate. Then maybe I could settle the score between us. A nagging voice in my head told me that this wasn't the solution. I told it that I didn't care and if I wanted Wes back, I would have to get the roadblock leading to him out of my way. My situation was infuriating because my moral compass was screaming that I was doing the wrong thing, but for the first time in my life I ignored it.
Stepping into the main entrance of the UC, I quickly glanced around, not expecting to see her anywhere. But to my surprise, she was sitting in the lounge right by the steps that were just inside of the front door. There she was. In plain sight. I willed my feet to move, but I just stood there, frozen.
Just DO it! I practically screamed at myself.
-You know it's wrong.- My practical self argued.
I don't even know what I'm going to do yet, so how do I know if it's wrong or not? My jealous self countered.
-It's not the action that's making it wrong. It's the motive behind it.-
I realized my practical self was right. Who would benefit from whatever I was going to do? I'd feel bad about my actions, Lydia would be hurt, and most importantly, so would Wes. I wasn't about to hurt Wes, since I cared for him too much. If I hurt Lydia, I would hurt Wes. And that wasn't my goal at all.
So I turned on my heel and strolled back out of the UC. I knew at that moment that I could never go a day in my life without listening to my morals. Lydia may have been preventing Wes and I from being together at that moment, but that didn't mean I couldn't still fight for him. I just had to step up my game.


My first move in the war was to apologize to Wes. He was, after all, the whole reason I was fighting in the first place. I went to his dorm and knocked on his door, hoping against hope he was there, and that he wouldn't refuse to talk to me. I could only imagine how angry he was at me.
*Knock, Knock* I rapped on his door and crossing my fingers.
I was in luck. He was there, and he was the only one there. What's more is that he decided to talk to me. I did try and look as apologetic as I possibly could.
"Wes, look...." I began.
He shook his head. "Tia, I know why you're here. You don't have to apologize. I know you like me, and  I like you too, but you can't be so jealous all the time! You've got me, got me wrapped around your finger so tightly that I couldn't break free, even if there were scissors that tried cutting me loose. Even if I could be free, I wouldn't want to be. I love being tied up in your life. I love being around you, and mostly, I love everything about you. You can't worry about the other girls, because I honestly don't even see them. All I see is you."
I just stood there like an idiot, openmouthed and speechless. There was nothing in my mind for the first time in my life, and I could feel tears welling in my eyes. All I could hear anymore was the blood pumping in my ears. My hands shook and my knees became weak. I couldn't even think of something to say back to him, even though my heart was practically jumping out of my chest in an attempt to connect my heart to his.
"Tia?" He said, staring into my eyes with his wide, beautiful blue ones.
I swallowed, trying to regain some ounce of composure. "Uh-huh?" That was all I could manage, and even then it didn't even sound like that. I croaked the words out sounding more like a frog than human.
He laughed. "I see. I surprised you didn't I? Just nod or shake your head."
I nodded.
He took my hand and led me into his room. "Here, sit," He said, pointedly pushing me towards the futon in the room.
I sat, and he sat next to me. We just stayed like that for a few minutes, and I was trying to gather my composure so I could at least tell him how I felt.
I finally achieved my center and took a deep breath. "Wes, I feel like I should make a speech to you too."
"You don't have to, Tia. Your eyes say it all." He said as he brushed a lock of hair behind my ear.
I shivered at his touch, chills running down my spine. "No, Wes, I need to get it out of my system."
"Alright." He smiled and gestured for me to continue.
I took another deep breath and began. "Wes, when I danced with you that first time, I knew I loved you. I loved the way you moved,  I loved the way you breathed. No one has hit me so hard emotionally on first sight. You know the expression love at first sight? That's such an under exaggeration. It's more like death of one's ability to comprehend the world at first sight. I couldn't think, I couldn't reason, I could hardly breathe. My world melted away from around me when I saw you. There really isn't a good way to describe the way I felt when I met you but this is as close as I can get."

Footprints on The Moon (West Saga)

I hate love. It's so stupid, and pointless and...

"Tia!"

You're kidding me, right?

"Tia!"

No, I'm not okay. Don't talk to me.

"Seriously, Tia. If you want to live, answer me!"

"WHAT?" I screamed from my bed.

"Tia, you need to go to rehearsal. Mona's been calling your cell phone for like, the past ten minutes. I answered it the last time and she says if you don't get down there in 5 minutes, she's coming to get you."

Oh shit. That's never good. "Fine."

Still grumbling, I got out of bed and put on my rehearsal clothes. I wasn't too thrilled about having to spend an hour and a half with Wes. Not only that but I was guessing Mona wasn't going to go easy on me. She could be pretty harsh to kids who didn't respect her, and I was guessing my being late was going to seem like an act of disrespect to her.

It took me 7 minutes to get down to the theater. When I finally arrived in the practice room, Mona wasn't at all furious like I had anticipated. Instead, she had set up three chairs, two of which were occupied. She motioned for me to sit in the empty one next to Wes.

Uh oh. This CAN'T be good.

"Tia, Wes told me what happened. He said he thought it would be best if you guys tried talking about it." Mona said when I took a seat.

I glared at Wes, trying to make him feel how angry I was at him. "No, Mona. I think it would be a terrible idea to talk about it. He knows exactly what's up with me, and if he doesn't, well, then I don't see how he got into college."

Mona gave me an I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that look, and I shot a look of defiance right back at her.

"I'm serious, Mona. Everything I said, I meant. Did he tell you exactly what I said?"

"Yes, Tia actually he did. And everything about Lydia too."

"I don't like her. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. I'm just saying you acted off of nearly no basis whatsoever, and it was very rash."

"So?"

"So, what I'm saying is, you need to cool down, Tia."

COOL DOWN? This... BOY sitting next to me is the stupidest, thickheaded IDIOT to ever walk the planet! "Cool down? What are you trying to tell me, Mona? That I'm rash? That I can't control my emotions? What does that have to do with dance, exactly?"

"It has a lot to do with dance. If you can't describe how you feel, you dance the way you feel. I want this dance to be full of passion and romance. You can't do that when you basically hate the person you're dancing with."

I huffed. "Fine. What do we talk about then?"

Mona nodded at Wes. "Well," he said. "First off, let's get this Lydia thing cleared up. I was only trying to be her friend, Tia."

"She has plenty of friends."

"Don't interrupt me please. Anyways, she was having trouble with math, so I offered to help. I'm a nice guy, and she asked nicely."

"So why'd you give her my spot in the first place?"

"I asked you not to interrupt! Sheesh. I gave her your spot because I figured you would be graceful about it and just let her have it instead of getting all defensive..."

"Oh wait just a second Wes! I would have been okay with it if she hadn't sat there all class period flirting with you instead of listening to the lecture! I bet you didn't even notice her flirting, did you?"

"Flirting? Tia that's ridiculous. She wasn't flirting, she was asking for my HELP."

"Yeah, all the while flipping her perfect hair all around and batting her eyelashes at you while moving her chair closer to you! How can you not see that?"

"Sounds to me like she was flirting, Wes." Mona chipped in.

We both looked at her like she was crazy. "What? I was only saying that Tia's right. She was flirting."

I smirked at him. "I told you. I bet you she didn't even need your help and that she was only trying to get to you."

"So she could what? Become my girlfriend? Maybe I wouldn't mind that!" Wes shouted angrily.

I sat in silence for a second, stunned by what he said. "Are you serious?" I finally said, my voice nearly a whisper. "You want her to be your girlfriend? I... Don't.... You....." I stopped, feeling myself choking up.

"I didn't say that Tia. I said..."

"I know what you SAID Wes. But don't you remember what I said?" I looked at him for a second, pleading with him silently, willing him to remember.

"What you said when?"

I looked down, brokenhearted. "Never mind. I guess it wasn't that important after all. Mona, I think we're done here." I stood up and began walking away.

Wes ran after me. "Tia, if you mean what you said during our argument yesterday, I remember. I just didn't want to talk about it in front of Mona." He put a hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged it off. "Yeah, Wes. I was talking about that. But if you can't talk about it in front of Mona, maybe I was wrong about us being anything."

"I just thought it should be a little more personal when were just figuring out everything."

"Yeah, well we're all figured out. There's nothing between us. I'll dance with you, but nothing more. Lydia can have my seat for good. I don't care." And with that, I walked out.

I went to our spot again, hoping he would come. I still had the hope that if he liked me as much as I liked him, he wouldn't just let me walk out of his life like that. And I hoped that if he did, he would know that I would come here.

So I waited and I thought about what had gone wrong. I knew Lydia had been the start of it all, but it was my overprotective jealousy that had really set off the argument. Maybe Mona was right and I was rash and I needed to cool down. Or maybe she wasn't, and I needed to put out the match that had started the fire. Lydia.