Wes had a reaction to my words that was so similar to mine that I felt a strange urge to laugh. Seriously, I thought, now is NOT the time to laugh!! He's going to think you're nuts!
Just then, Wes took a breath. Had he been holding his breath this whole time? He leaned in towards me and I all of a sudden felt more nervous than I ever had in my entire life. Was he going to kiss me? Well, what else could he be doing?
I was completely wrong. Wes leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Was that your way of telling me sorry?" He chuckled.
I couldn't breathe. He was so close to me, yet I felt like if I tried making a move he would pull away. So I just settled on quietly answering him. "Yeah, I guess."
He pulled away, and I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Wes smiled, and stood up. "I'm glad we're on the same page again."
"Yeah." Oh my god, where is this going? It feels like the first day we met again! C'mon Tia, do SOMETHING!
"Well...." Wes said awkwardly.
"Well." I replied just as awkwardly.
There was an uncomfortable silence between us, the first we'd ever had really. I was so confused as to what had just happened. Hadn't he just said he wanted me in his life? Hadn't he basically just confessed his love for me? Hadn't I just confessed my love for him? What in the world was going on? We should be doing all that cheesy romantic crap that always happens in movies when two people find out they're in love. But instead, we're just sitting here in his dorm on his futon looking away at the plain wood and cinder block walls. I so badly wanted to reach out and touch him, but for the first time since I'd known him, I didn't know how he would react. No matter if he was exactly like me, he was still his own person, and he wasn't necessarily going to react the way I would have. I didn't know if his heart was pounding so loudly in his ears that he couldn't hear anything but that. I didn't know if his hands were shaking so badly he had to hide them so the other couldn't see. I didn't know if a million thoughts were running through his head so quickly he couldn't catch a glimpse of a single one. I had no clue. And it was infuriating.
Finally, Wes turned to me once again and sat back down next to me on the black futon. He took both of my hands in his and breathed in deeply once, then released his breath. Wes turned his eyes to mine, and we just sat for a minute, gazing into each others eyes. My shallow breathing was all the noise in the room, and the air was still, as if anticipating his next move.
"Tia." He finally said after a few minutes of silence. "I.... I honestly don't know where to go from here. I know you're probably confused, wondering why I'm not acting all like the people do in romantic comedies when they find out they're in love." He stopped, looking at me pleadingly.
"Wes.... I don't know what you're saying. You're going to have to explain yourself for once to me." I said, confused by his words.
"Okay.... Well. Tia I really really like you. But I've never been in love before, and it's too soon to tell. I don't want to say it if I don't know if I feel it."
My shoulders fell. "So I say it to you, and I don't get it back?"
"I'm sorry...."
"No, Wes. It's fine. Say it when you're ready, or never say it if you aren't."
"Tia I know you too well. You're not fine. I can see it in your eyes."
I let go of his hands and stood up. "Well Wes. I think I need some time to think. This has been really emotional for me. I understand if you can't say I love you to me. You aren't ready, and that's fine. But give me some time to think, okay? You know where to find me." And with that, I left the boy of my dreams sitting on a lonely black futon.
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